Distracted

I am 24/7 near my family. 

I spend with them as much time as possible, as back in 2012 I vowed I would do so if second chance would have been given to me; and second chance has been given to me! 

I am the most blessed woman I ever met.

My greatest escapes are late evenings when I go shopping alone, when I feel like I'm spending a holiday and when I turn my head whenever a child calls his Mama, as I always think he's mine.

I dedicate as much time to my family as my mommy brain allows me to. I dedicate so much time, that many times I desperately need a sower and then, when I finally take it (hair included) I feel like a queen!
My greatest personal achievements in my mom career until now are moments like these:

(synchronized naps)

and this:

(taking a daylight shower while baby is sleeping and Maria is drawing - she is drawing in bathroom of course)

I try to dedicate my entire time to my family. I do not sacrifice my life for them! I LOVE what I'm doing. I'm - most probably - living my most glorious years now and I'm following my vocation. Thanks to Adrian, who is our main provider, I'm currently doing what I love best - caring for my beloved ones.

I am 24/7 home, but I still feel distracted from my family! I'm "distracted" by Facebook, mail, dusting furniture ( this not so much as I should... ), cooking, cleaning, day dreaming, planning, reading blogs, expecting things from others, Pinterest, laundry, whining on the phone or FB chat to a friend, even more laundry, journaling our life.

Sometimes I get so distracted I even get no time left for the daily walk in the park with kids, (n)or for reading to them.

At the end of too many days I feel like my life and time is pouring like sand from my fists and I'm not able to do anything against it.

But I let Alice E. Chase explain my feelings better than I could ever explain:

(I know I posted this poem before, but it rings such a bell in my head that I have to post it again!)

My hands were busy through the day,
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn't have much time for you.

I'd wash your clothes; I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me, please, to share your fun,
I'd say, "A little later, son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door,
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

For life is short, and years rush past,
A little boy grows up so fast,
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,
There are no children's games to play,
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy, now lie still,
The days are long and hard to fill,
I wish I might go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.

("To My Grown-Up Son" by Alice E. Chase)

You see, even this post distracted me a little. But I hope for someone somewhere sometime it will make a difference. Even if that "someone" will be me over the years.

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