Monday, February 25, 2013

God outsmarted us

I spent the last three months visiting doctors in order to find out what I was really "suffering" of.
I had no pain, no symptom. I even had no clue, until 17th of November when I've been told there was something wrong.

I lived few days with the bitter painful awful dark feeling that I have the worst disease on the earth. I know my suffering was just a tiny fraction of what it could have been, as mine was just the fruit of my own imagination and not the one which come from the certainty of really having the worst disease on the earth. And still it was really painful.

And then again, I lived few weeks dreaming I don't have to move a finger in order to make things right again.
I was looking for that good doctor which would have told me that surgery was not needed. But I didn't find him.

So, in the end, on 15th of February, together with Adrian, we headed toward Tg. Mures for a planned surgery. As two of the best doctors warned me, half of me was ready to say good bye to half of my potential future children, by laparoscopy! The other half of me was hoping for the best, hoping that doctors were wrong, but scared enough that I would fall in depression if things won't go as I was dreaming.

13: 45. Time for surgery came. And passed. I woke up realizing immediately that laparoscopy didn't work. And then, I don't know who, where and when informed me that things went better than anyone ever hoped: the not-so-little "something" wasn't related to gynecology at all and it went out without a problem.
So suddenly everything bad disappeared. All black thoughts, all hard months, all worries and nightmares vanished as they never existed and were replaced by gratefulness, thankfulness, light and love.

I know that God made this on purpose to me. This time He outsmarted us in a good way. He made us think of all things bad and in the end gave us all things good. I promise I won't ask Him "Why?" again, but I rather tell Him "Thank you!". Who wouldn't do the same?

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