Adrian is repeating me often: "Don't forget the blog". Oh, yes, I don't ever forget it, but "it's so hard with 2 little kids", I answer him. It's so hard to be fed, rested, joyful, free of frustrations, content, to properly take care of family and house, to write on blog, all of the above in the same time. But I read blogs of mothers with 5, 6 and even 8 kids, so, I think, writing in English became a blocking point in my case. I should ignore my poor English and write more often here. This blog is and, most probably, will be a treasure for my family.
On Saturday, 17th of November, 2012, during a routine check, my doctor discovered that I "have something". The 4 days long until we got more details on that "something", I had plenty of time to picture my family without me in it, to look with stranger eyes at the world and people around me, to question myself "who will rise my girls the way that I want to?", "who will struggle that my girls will become the people that I dream them to become?", "who will help Adrian?". I had plenty of time to ask God: "please, allow me to see my girls grown-ups!". Just this. BIG thing. And it seems I'm on the safe side. We still don't know exactly what that "something" is and, most probably, an operation is waiting for me soon and now I'm not that confident anymore that all my dreams will come true, but, as my doctor said: "it's nothing that puts your life under risk". And this is something!
Those 4 days, and even longer, I asked myself: "how would my girls remember me?". And the answer scared me a lot: "they won't remember me at all". They are too young to remember anything that happened until now in their little lives. All I would leave for them now would be the thousands pictures I took for them and this blog!
These dark days of my existence made me realize I really live for my family and here is where I want to be the most. Here, beside them, serving them. I don't have one single day dream without my family in it.
I heard (and even experienced few times) that if you really wish for something, the whole Universe will work for you in order to fulfill that dream. So may God allow me to fulfill mine too!
Work hard, serve, hug, kiss and say "I love you!". It's all that really matter!
I wish all the best in 2013 to every one of you, my faithful readers!