But, as a result of a 1 month long process of thinking, discussions and negotiations, we decided to cut the age to 2 years and 7 months. On Wednesday Ilaria started kindergarten and I started the hard lesson of let-it-go.
I imagined the moment as picture perfect: sunny day, sweet dress, perfect hair, time for the good picture. And this was the reality:
cloudy, too cold for a dress, not a good hair day, no time for good pictures.
And it was just the beginning of our transition from the last 2.5 years of dolce vita toward an entire lifetime of rush.
At least I was happy that she was happy and excited to meet new friends and to play with new toys. This made the day easier for me.
During the 3 hours of waiting, I took a good walk with Maria in the old part of the city, happy for the change of our daily decor.
It felt strange not to have my first baby around. My baby who changed me from woman to mother. My baby who was now, for the first time, alone, in the hands of some strangers. But I know the time has come for me to learn to let her "fly" away. Because she loves children and games and toys. (Even if she doesn't love to share yet.)
And everything was pretty good on that day...
...until a nice lady, who probably noticed the strange light in my eyes, asked me something about Maria. I answered her back and then I was surprised to hear myself telling her, unasked, about Ilaria. That was the point when I become undone, with tears in my eyes. It was the sign that I failed my 1st lesson of let it go...
A Wish for My Children - Evangeline Paterson
On this doorstep I stand
year after year
to watch you going
and think: May you not
skin your knees. May you
not catch your fingers
in car doors. May
your hearts not break.
May tide and weather
wait for your coming
and may you grow strong
all webs of my weaving.