It was summer of 2009 and we were in Italy in a shop. Ilaria was safe, in my belly. Suddenly we've heard a desperate mother's voice calling for her little child who seemed to be missing. In less than 1 minute she found him leaving the shop together with the mini-shop-cart. She was so scared that she started slapping him. Of course in my mind I accused her, thinking that she was to be blamed for not having payed enough attention and now she was punishing him. I was thinking: "It's not fair!". (My impression created by Italian magazines and RaiUno TV channel is that kidnapping is the most frequent cause of kids lost from their parents, in Italy. And it happens very often.)
Few days ago, while we were in a supermarket I turned my back to Ilaria for maximum 5 seconds. When I turned back to where I knew she was, she wasn't there anymore and I didn't have any clue in which direction she could have gone. I remembered she was attracted by a girl with beautiful dress and she could have gone there again. In the next 5 seconds I found Ilaria there, playing with that girl's flowers on the dress. I was lucky!
In tonight's nightmare it was a little harder. I was at a pool, together with my sister and with Ilaria. Ilaria wasn't my daughter, but my niece. I turned my back to Ilaria for few seconds and here she wasn't there anymore! We started searching her. It was daylight outside when we started searching. And we were searching quiet, afraid to signalize to others that we were looking for a lost child. Probably few hours passed. It was dark outside and we were still searching. Finally we found Ilaria's coat. Inside it, it was a letter from our grandmother. I was disappointing, as I hoped the letter could have given us some hints where Ilaria could have been found. I didn't take time to read the letter, but my sister did. She told me: "she puts all her hope in us. She trust WE will find Ilaria!". I was already losing my hope in ourselves and I was thinking police could do more than us. But after I've heard our grandmother's message I was thinking: "Wait! She's so right! No policeman could do more than a mother's (aunt's) love for her child!". And I started calling Ilaria's name as loud as I could. A lot of cats started to come out from all the dark corners and soon Ilaria joined them! :-) I was lucky again!
It's just a dream, but it seems that somewhere in my mind it's already written "turning your back to your child can become so painful! Don't do it again!". I really hope I won't!