On Saturday, 17th of November, 2012, during a routine check, my doctor discovered that I "have something". The 4 days long until we got more details on that "something", I had plenty of time to picture my family without me in it, to look with stranger eyes at the world and people around me, to question myself "who will rise my girls the way that I want to?", "who will struggle that my girls will become the people that I dream them to become?", "who will help Adrian?". I had plenty of time to ask God: "please, allow me to see my girls grown-ups!". Just this. BIG thing. And it seems I'm on the safe side. We still don't know exactly what that "something" is and, most probably, an operation is waiting for me soon and now I'm not that confident anymore that all my dreams will come true, but, as my doctor said: "it's nothing that puts your life under risk". And this is something!
Those 4 days, and even longer, I asked myself: "how would my girls remember me?". And the answer scared me a lot: "they won't remember me at all". They are too young to remember anything that happened until now in their little lives. All I would leave for them now would be the thousands pictures I took for them and this blog!
These dark days of my existence made me realize I really live for my family and here is where I want to be the most. Here, beside them, serving them. I don't have one single day dream without my family in it.
I heard (and even experienced few times) that if you really wish for something, the whole Universe will work for you in order to fulfill that dream. So may God allow me to fulfill mine too!
Work hard, serve, hug, kiss and say "I love you!". It's all that really matter!
I wish all the best in 2013 to every one of you, my faithful readers!
Raluca
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6 comments:
I do understudy you, my so dear sister. Before the breast surgery, I was the same as you. Then before the back surgery, the picture of myself in a wheelchair was hunting me… From all my heart, I wish you to be well soon. XOXOXOXOXOX
....fara cuvinte !
Raluca - I hope everything is ok for you, and I pray in the name of Jesus that you may enjoy your babies and their babies and the babies of their babies!! Bless you!!
Sunteti superbi... Aveti o seninatate aparte, emanati liniste si caldura sufleteasca.. Alergam zi de zi si nu stim dupa ce, tindem sa fim mereu nemultumiti si frustrati si uitam de cele mai multe ori ce conteaza cu adevarat; ai exprimat atat de frumos ceea ce e important. Santate si optimism! Sunt sigur ca esti puternica si vei trece cu bine peste...
Cata
Tuturor multe multumiri pentru cuvintele de incurajare!! Au contat atat de mult pentru mine! Sunt momente in care doar cuvinte si rugaciuni avem la indemana pentru a ajuta pe cineva, iar voi ati ales sa ma ajutati! Va multumesc din suflet!!
Sanatate multa!
Dear Carrie, I was so glad to read your comment! Thank you so much for it! It meant a lot to me!!
May God give you health, strength, patience and wisdom to care for your family as you wish!
Kisses to you, sweet Mommy!
Raluca
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